Boners at the worst time

Why the f*ck does this happen to me? Sh*% gets out of control, whenever I make contact with a fine ass girl with a c-cup booty, BAM, my soldier stands at attention, if a girl holds my hand I spring a boner, etc. But lately I've noticed just THINKING about these situations gives me a huge erection, especially at work......when it came time for a meeting, I had to walk to the conference room with a notepad covering my d*ck because I had a HUGE erection. It's embarrassing as f*ck, and it p*ss*s me off because I don't know what to f*ck*ng do, and I know people notice it because I keep hearing references to someone named "bonerman", gee I wonder who that is. My friend told me to think about some ugly ass chick like Whoopi Goldberg whenever I feel a boner coming on, but sh*%, even that don't work. I guess I'm screwed, god I hate my life sometimes.